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Where I Want

by Ruth Wilkinson

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1.
She says Heaven is a hot dog cart In the middle of a city block with sauerkraut and peppers The blue and the clouds as they ought to be Who am I to say she's wrong? She says Heaven's the archangel on the corner With a banjo and a gritty voice, a cinder block to sit on Those bare feet and that handsome chin Who am I to say she's wrong? The busker's case propped open with a stick Inside it's an outer space galaxy of nickels and dimes He's singing out a hymn to his hurried congregation About “Oo-oo child, oo-oo” She says they say Heaven is a far away “Fly, fly away” She says how come she can see it peeking through the cracks of every single day? She says Heaven is a hopscotch easy walk A park bench pew, a crocus cup, a chapel choir of chickadees And time to turn the gospel in her mind Who am I to say she's wrong?
2.
A Little 03:45
A little too much let down lately, A little too much uphill, A little too much running late lately, I think I’ve had my fill I need a little sun on my face, I need a little wind at my back, I need a little something to set me right, I need a little you A little too long since the rain blew in, A little too much chill, A little too long since winter set in, Until my heart stands still A little sitting still, a little rest, A little quiet, a little trust, A little listening, leaning on you, A little something true
3.
I’ve never felt this way before - Never felt such scintillation; Never been lost in eyes before - Never drowned in pooled perfection; Well, maybe one time, in a dream I’ve never touched this way before - Never with such fascination; I’ve never heard your voice before - Never heard such invitation; Well maybe one time, in a dream A dream I know I must have had one day, A dream that all too quickly slipped away, A dream I only can remember when, When I feel this way
4.
Tell me, can you keep a secret, summer breeze? I hear you dancing ‘round up there in the leaves I know you really love to whisper but I ask you please Don’t tattle on my love and I Summer breeze, I’m glad you came for the ride Down the path along the riverside Now we parked our bikes and found a place to hide Don’t tattle on my love and I We found the perfect spot to be Cool and soft beneath a shady tree We’ve got a blanket and a basket and an afternoon And no one knows but you Summer breeze, you’ve got things to do You won’t linger like we’re going to But when you get to where you’re going and you pass on through Don’t tattle on my love and I
5.
Just Ask Him 04:07
He grew up free and farming, never wanted to live in town, But you can’t farm with old knees and a back that’s breaking down, Sold up and took a mainstreet flat, two storeys from the earth, Going down and up those damn stairs is a good day’s work. Warm evenings he plants himself out on the concrete steps, His back against the brick wall, and a smoke between his lips, While all them pretty city-faced newcomers go strolling by, And he frowns, and flicks his cigarette, and curses out a sigh. But just you ask him where the coffee’s good on a Monday morning Just you ask him where the fish’ll bite when the river’s running low, Just you ask him who’s an honest man and who you should be scorning, ‘Cause there’s nothing, not much he doesn’t know He’s got no use for much pretentious, for suits and all of that, He wears the same old denim shirt, blue jeans and Massey hat, He don’t like feeling useless, like he’s two steps from the tomb, But he’ll never curse with a lady or a preacher in the room. But just you ask him… His whole life born and bred, north of town near the wood, Learning how to work to live in the days when he still could, He grew and married and fathered, loved the best he knew how, But that was then, this is now. He watches all those strangers fill his streets more every year, Wearing shiny shoes they sure as hell didn’t get no place ‘round here, Buying what they call antiques from where the dairy used to be, Looking at him like he’s just part of the scenery. But just you ask him…
6.
I wish that cloud would come to get me Swing low lift me, Come to get me Wish that cloud would come to get me Fly me to see what I dream I’d see ‘Cause that cloud’s making me want to To be breathless way up there Wish that cloud would come to get me Come to take me who knows where I could get there if I tried I suppose, I suppose There are ways I could get there I suppose, I suppose I’d just walk away from the shade tree overhead Say goodbye to the tickling grass that’s cradling my head And this loves me, loves me not Loves me, loves me not Loves me, loves me not daisy And dreaming….
7.
Bully Wind 03:57
Bully wind, quit pushing me around All I’m trying to do is keep my feet on the ground Bully wind, don’t hardly seem fair You push my hat down in my eyes, lift the eagle in the air I want you at my back, you’re in my face I don’t want you at all, you’re all over the place Bully wind, bully wind, won’t you please get gone Put my best boots on and started on my way How was I to know you’d treat me this way? Bully wind, quit pushing me around All I’m trying to do is keep my feet on the ground Bully wind, don’t hardly seem fair You push my hat down in my eyes, lift the eagle in the air I want you at my back, you’re in my face I don’t want you at all, you’re all over the place Bully wind, bully wind, won’t you please get gone
8.
Ya know what it’s like? It’s kinda like an apple Kinda like an apple that still remembers the tree ‘Cause ya know an apple Is a long time coming From the blossom to the plucking From the dream to me From the first look to the reach, touch, hold, and taste what true can be It’s kinda like that, This you and me Doesn’t it remind you of a sweet and saucy morsel of sunshine? A moment on the lips, it's a kick, it's a trip to that sweet spot in your mind Can't you just savour every waiting moment making it finer fine? And now, now, now, oh my, ain't it kinda divine? Doesn’t it remind you of a sweet and saucy morsel of sunshine? A moment out of time, to a fine fine wine, to that sweet spot in your mind Can't you just savour every waiting moment making it finer fine? And now, now, now, oh my, ain't it kinda divine?
9.
Starlight calls me and I shiver, shimmer Dreams and daring dancing down my spine 'Til my soul is Jacob's ladder I'm climbing on a song my ears can't hear And I'm soaring, somersaulting, dizzy and free I'm braver and I'm brighter than I ever thought to be When starlight, starlight, starlight calls My starlight, starlight, starlight call you are. Torchlight calls me and I'm gone and gallivanting A road I've never seen or been before The lantern knows there's one more step One turning, one more sight to see And I must, I'm wanderlusting, trusting the light to lead More turned around, more lost, more found than I ever thought to be When torchlight, torchlight, torchlight calls My torchlight, torchlight, torchlight call you are So shine for me Shine for me Hearthlight calls me and I'm homeward, heartward heading Voices, places, faces I'm recalled There's a door I have a key to And a smile that has the key to me I'll be sleepy settled, cupped and kettled, all-the-outs-in-free More welcome and more welcoming than I ever thought to be When hearthlight, hearthlight, hearthlight calls My hearthlight, hearthlight, hearthlight call you are.
10.
Nana 04:27
Nana takes the flowers I brought and puts them in a jam jar on the windowsill Just like always Nana says she loves them and that cornflowers are her favourite and how did I know Just like always Nana sits across from me and pours two cups of tea and asks me how I've been Just like always Nana smiles and listens warm and dear and laughs and calls me by my mother's name Nana doesn't know me anymore Nana says her husband Jack is funny and he loves the kids, they have five kids I remember Grampa Nana sighs and says I'm pretty, what's my name again, I say I'm Charlotte's girl Nana doesn't know me anymore But I know her, she's always been beautiful Nana says somebody brought her cornflowers, aren't they lovely on the windowsill I say, yes they're lovely Nana takes my hand and says it's good of me to come, what was my name again Nana doesn't know me anymore But I know her, she's always been beautiful I know her, she's always been beautiful, I know her Nana smiles and listens warm and dear and laughs and calls me by my mother's name
11.
Take me in, I've been out there being brave Battles fought, barely won, barely saved Let me hear the door shut behind me Firm in the face of what's followed me home Let it wait, Just 'til dawn, just 'til dawn Pour a glass that will burn going down Flood my skin with that homefire found Slake my thirst, ease my shoulders Let vigilance melt with a trusting sigh Let it wait, Just 'til dawn, just 'til dawn Morning comes soon enough And I’m not as tough as I thought I was Let me dream, under weaving warm Quilted peace, thick and heavier than storm On a pillow my neck has known before In sheets my toes can remember Let it wait, Just 'til dawn, just 'til dawn.
12.
Stand Tall 04:17
Stand tall, turn your face into the wind and stand tall I’ll stand beside you, walk beside you Stand tall, if you can, stand tall Stand tall, straighten your cap, square your shoulders, stand tall I’ll stand beside you, walk beside you Stand tall, if you can, stand tall Stand tall, blink the rain out of your eyes, and stand tall I’ll stand beside you, walk beside you Stand tall, and if you can’t, then fall If you fall, remember fallen’s not forever, if you fall I’ll stand beside you, stay beside you Just fall, then when you can, stand Stand tall, turn your face into the wind and stand tall I’ll stand beside you, walk beside you Stand tall, if you can, stand tall
13.
To Be Two 03:41
Don’t say it’s time to go home yet, Hold my hand while the moon comes up This is as sweet as things can get, Walk with me as the sun goes down While we still have time to be two While we still have time to be two Wandering together fits me fine, Hold my hand while the moon comes up Feeling the way your stride suits mine Walk with me as the sun goes down While we still have time to be two While we still have time to be two Take a slow deep breath Take a slow deep breath Take a slow deep kiss if you want to If you say will then I just might Hold my hand while the moon comes up Tomorrow is miles from tonight Walk with me as the sun goes down While we still have time to be two While we still have time to be two
14.
Where I Want 01:54
Where I want to be right now - Up to a little no good Doing what I want to Not so much what I should Where I want to be right now - Someplace I’m not s’posed to be Not even trying to behave Dancing diagonally Up to my knees in trouble Splashing with both hands Pockets full of plunder And contraband Make a little mischief Turn some heads Throw a handful of pebbles And watch the ripples spread
15.
Little Heart 03:30
A little heart can love like no great one ever can ‘Cause a little heart sees wonders done by ordinary hands Working everyday miraculous impossibilities Like a birthday candle, a jelly sandwich, a bandaid knee And that little heart grows. A little heart finds safety in two so much bigger arms Never knowing that they tremble as they keep away the harm That they’re more afraid of losing, loosing or letting go Than all the monsters underneath the bed that little heart might know And that little heart grows. A little heart grows older, bolder, colder as it goes A little heart forgets the more, the more and more it knows What’s impossible, what can’t be kept and what it is to sigh ‘Till that little heart lies lonely under years gone by But that little heart can waken when it’s grown and looking down Into mirror eyes of need and trust when the love comes back around To what it is to be the looking up one, reaching to me For a birthday candle, a jelly sandwich, a bandaid knee ‘Cause that little heart grows.
16.
Someday someone will open that door Draw him into the warmth he's been starving for And she'll say his name and she'll say so much more The smell of enough will fill his breath like before He can see it now, See it somehow Though he's still Two inches from home, curled in the doorway Two inches from home, dreaming deep in the cold 'Cause it's one door too many that will only open from inside Someday someone will smile and say “It's all over now”, close the door against yesterday Hold him and whisper the winter away With warm words from warm lips, and hands she says “Stay” He can see it now, See it somehow, Though he's still Two inches from home, curled in the doorway Two inches from home, dreaming deep in the cold 'Cause it's one door too many that will only open from inside He's been outside too long, too inches from home He hasn't always been out here alone, hasn't always been poor But he can't tell the difference between memories and hope anymore All he knows is someday someone, one day
17.
Please don't sit on my ukulele That's his chair, way over there It's got his favourite cushy cushion where he lays his weary headstock At the end of the day So, please don't sit on my ukulele Honey, come and settle next to me I know I've been playing, I've been working Just to learn something new Seems my fingers, they have had enough of notes and numbers Now they want to hold hands with you So, please don't sit on my ukulele Honey, come and settle next to me I've been busy, so have you Now the busy busy day is o'er Much as I love my ukulele I love you a whole lot more We can... We can... We could even... 'Til the evening's done So, please don't sit on my ukulele Honey, come and settle next to me

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released February 21, 2016

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Ruth Wilkinson Port Hope, Ontario

Proud mom of two sons, wife of one husband.

Waitress, bartender,
magician's assistant, medical secretary,
nurse’s aide, bookkeeper, short order cook, landscaper, cafeteria lady, singer, songwriter.

Travelled by train, plane, bus, canoe, tractor, motorcycle,
horse and cow.

Writer, singer, pianist, bassist, uker, storyteller,
puppeteer and failed soccer coach.

Occasional baker.
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